Life is a bitch, and then you die.
Ever heard this expression before? So have I. And life has been a bitch. But I'm not dead yet (insert song from Spamalot). Personally I don't have much left over for bitches. I believe in something we Norwegians call Kardemommeloven. It's a law from a children's book that goes something along the lines of this:
One should not bother others, one should be nice and kind.
And apart from that, you can pretty much do whatever you want.
It doesn't sound very poetic in English, but it is very sweet. And personally I think the author has a valid point. Far too many people in this world just take. They expect everyone to be at their beck and call, and they never offer anything in return. Not even a thank you. Why? They feel entitled to what they've got, and just take it all for granted.
We all do this every now and then, I just wish we did less of it. Why does life have to be a bitch? Why can't we all be a bit kinder, more giving, and grateful? And why can't we be just a bit more honest and open with each other?
I had someone tell me just the other day that I was extraordinarily open, and how easy I was to be around for just this reason. Why do we hide? I have been hiding most of my life, but as of quite recently I'm done. Hiding my true self and my past and present struggles are a lot more difficult and time consuming than just being honest. If someone thinks less of you for being honest about your life and person, then that is their problem, not yours. Being open and honest instead of hiding yourself is actually a great relief. I have never felt better. Exposed? Yes, no doubt about it. Vulnerable? Of course. But lighter, stronger, and more confident than ever. I own my history, my thoughts, actions, and feelings. If anyone is offended by my openness, that is their struggle, not mine. I am free.
I am not saying that I prance around bragging, or push myself on people who couldn't care any less about my life. I'm just saying that I am done hiding. And it feels great.
Also, when was the last time you told someone how much of an impact they've made on your life? When was the last time you truly and genuinely said thank you? Not just a quick thanks! on your way out the door, but a proper thank you? I think most of us don't even do close to enough of this. I know I don't. But every now and then I get not just a want, but a need to tell the people in my life how much they mean to me. It can be a simple thank you, a small gift, or a random message. It doesn't matter what form it comes in, as long as I get my message across. That you are important to me. That you matter. That my life would have been less without you.
I said a proper thank you today, and seing how the recipient responded to my thank you humbled me. I had no idea how many of the same thoughts of life we have been carrying around without the other one knowing. How similar our view on the world actually is. And I never would have, had I not opened up and told him exactly how much of an impact he has had on my life for the past year. Reading his response to my thank you, I am humbled. Moved. Truly touched. And saying goodbye has just become even more of a challenge. But I am glad that I did. Telling someone what kind of impact they have had on your life could be exactly what they need to hear. They might be doubting themselves, their actions, or even their existence. And a small thank you note can actually change that. I will cherish his reply to me, and retrieve it every time the going gets tough. Just as he told me he would retrieve my note in similar situations.
How does this make me feel? Great. If I can make a deserving individual feel better about what they do and who they are, why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't we all? I'm not asking you to be fake and throw compliments and thank yous around like they're worthless. That sort of insincerity doesn't do anything for anyone. If anything, it's destructive. No, I'm talking about the honest compliment, and the genuine thank you. The it's not a compliment, I'm just being honest kinds of things. The true kindness. The showing of gratitude and love for our fellow human beings. For our family - given or chosen.
We are all in this together. And if life is going to keep insisting on being a bitch, don't you think we should try to counteract her and make our days just a little bit kinder? Is that too much to ask?
I have a bracelet on my left wrist that reads "Be true. Be you. Be kind." This is my mantra. I live by it. Yes, life has been a bitch to me too, but I will not let her win. I will keep being kind no matter how much awfulness she sends my way. That is my way of coping. And it works. I will keep being kind, true to myself, and patient. And I will do my very best not to judge anyone until I know why they do what they do. Everyone deserves a fair chance, and everyone deserves to know that someone out there cares and appreciates them. Don't they?
I'll do my part. How about you?
