The last month hasn't been an easy one. I have become homeless, and so am now crashing at a friends house while looking for a place of my own. I am also looking for work. Work that doesn't make me want to slit my wrists every single day (A bit dramatic? Perhaps).
I turn 26 next week. I have no job, no home, no family of my own - none of the things one is "supposed to have" by now. None.
I have been panicking lately. Properly. Rethinking my entire life, and every decision I have ever made. Am I doing the right thing? Or should I give up, find a stable A4 job, and settle down? What would make me more happy?
A few years ago I wrote a blog post with random thoughts about me, my life and anything in between, inspired by a friend who makes this kind of list before every birthday. I've decided to make a new list (I like lists) this year. A wish-list for my 26th birthday...
For my 26th birthday I wish to:
- Be happy
- Find peace of mind
- Show (and tell) my wonderful friends how much I love them
- Stop taking said friends and their kindness for granted, and
- ...SPEND MORE TIME WITH THEM!
- Start believing that everything is going to be ok
- Find my place in the world
But wishing is only one side of the story. I am also very grateful. For so many things that are already a big part of my life.
I am grateful for:
- Having friends that love me even when I'm not very lovable (that's when I need it the most, so THANK YOU!)
- Being blessed with a body that, despite abuse and lack of care, carries me through my life somewhat gracefully
- Having a family I can always come home to, that will love me in rain or shine
- The blind love from my two beautiful nephews, and the pride I feel for being their aunt
- Hugs. And how a proper one can brighten my entire day
- The joy and presence experienced when dancing
- Seasons. A constant reminder that things pass. Cold or warm, dark or bright, good or bad - this too shall pass
These are just some of the things I wish for and am grateful for as I approach 26.
I really do hope that this year will be the best one so far. Full of love, joy, good challenges, and adventure. I also hope this year will be the one where I get to experience not being overweight for the first time in as long as I can remember. I hope I get to spend tons of time with my fantastic friends, and hopefully catch up with those lovely people I don't even see half as often as I'd like to.
I hope you all know how much I love you. I explained to a friend once, that even if we don't see each other very often, or talk daily, that doesn't mean I love you any less. You don't stop loving family because you don't see them for a while. That's what families are. People you love (and know will love you) in good and bad, no matter the distance between you.
My beautiful friends, you know who you are, please know that I consider you all my family. And I love you more than what should be humanly possible.
Here's to another year, good health, and an abundance of love!
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